Monday, May 05, 2008

More Lost Youth

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think you were one who told me in lieu of recent events how it's never good to dwell on one's past including their own, so I'll write the same for you.

But, since you've posted this photo, where were you emotionally, mentally, etc., when it was taken?

Michael-in-Norfolk said...

Since the photo was taken roughly 17 years ago, emotionally, I was in very deep denial about my sexual orientation and trying ever so hard to be the perfect, straight husband and father. I suffered from a great deal of self-hate because my efforts to "pray away the gay" were not working, although outwardly I beleive no one suspected the truth or knew the inner torment and misery I experienced.

In many ways, I kept a glass wall between myself and everyone around me, always on guard to protect my terrible secret. At times when the inner torment bubbled over, I was not a nice person to be around. In retrospect, it wasn't fair to anyone, including me, but I did not know what else to do. It would be another decade until I finally broke under the strain and began the process of admitting who/what I was and then trying to come to some level of self acceptance.

Java said...

You've come a long way, Michael. Congratulations!