Friday, July 27, 2007

Friday Thoughts

I am feeling under the weather - I sure hope I do not have the summer flu - and had a miserable night of chills and sweating episodes. Today is not much better, but I have soldiered on at the office so far, but think I will do something almost unheard of for me: go home and go to bed during the afternoon. I rarely get sick and have zero patience when I do get sick, so I am not a good patient.
On the divorce front, the ex-wife's attorney is still posturing and was insane enough to ask my attorney whether he thought my mother would loan me money to pay a larger lump sum settlement to the ex-wife to be rid of her once and for all with no strings attached. I responded that my mother would happily walk barefoot across burning coals or burn her money before she'd see a penny go to the ex-wife who she believes has sucked me dry for much too long. I reminded my attorney that at some point I'd be better off to just disappear as opposed to be drained dry forever. I also noted that I have a new passport. :)
Meanwhile, my wife - who likes to act the victim role and claims she will have no inheritance - has parents who own mortgage free a spectacular three story brownstone built in 1860 in Long Island City, New York (a totally gutted house across the street that is not even 2/3 the size sold for $1.5 million a year ago). Here's an article on the transformation of that area: http://www.amny.com/news/local/newyork/am-lic0402,0,617422.story?coll=am-topheadlines We will see what happens on Tuesday. I truly would like to settle the case without a day long trial and, I'm sure, yet a few more attempts at gay bashing.
Once the divorce is over, it will be so weird to finally be free of the ex-wife. It will have been almost 32 years since we first met. Whatever guilt or sadness I once felt about coming out and ending our marriage died some time ago. Her nastiness certainly hastened me arriving at that point, not that in retrospect I should ever have allowed myself to feel guilty for being gay. I am what God made me and I need not apologize to anyone.

2 comments:

D-Man said...

Hope you feel better soon! We've all got the summer flu over here on the left coast.

Hang in there with the divorce nastiness. We'r rooting for ya.

Anonymous said...

This situation is the consummate lose-lose. Marriages dissolve for all sorts of reasons, but when one of the parties is a homophile, well, that simple fact ratchets the polemics into blame, deception, trickery, etc. Conversely, if the marriage dissolved for "irreconcilable differences" (which I believe one party attracted to the same-sex might just be an instance of) the acrimony is less noxious. Yet, every divorce where either the man or the woman is known to prefer the same-sex turns vicious and ugly. My suggestion to those in similar situations like Michael's is to use the Clinton gambit: Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Simply approach the divorce as having fallen out of love, irreconcilable difference, grown apart, or any of the "standard" justifications without sexual attraction being mentioned. As the McGreevey Mess illustrates, women have a difficult time confronting the fact that the "other" is a male, not another female. Then, to "use" his second wife so duplicitously and shamelessly heaps only contempt of him and sympathy for her.

While truth-telling is always important when it's needed, it's not always appropriate nor always needed. I think our desire to be honest after dishonesty can bite us in the butt. In an act of self-redemption, we incriminate ourselves with good intentions, but worse recriminations. After the final decree tell all. Until then, Don't Ask, Don't Tell is a far gentler and smarter strategy. If one has concealed for a certain time, what's a few more months, at least with the spouse and children? After the final decree, to the whole family, tell all.

Otherwise, expect a tempest to become a malestrom.